by Matt Tally Level 2 FA Coach and sports-based youth mentor with expertise in safeguarding, Prevent, PACE, paediatric first aid, and child mental health.

Your child’s school has suggested they would benefit from in-school mentoring, and you’re trying to work out what that actually means. This is a short guide to what it is, what it isn’t, and what saying yes commits you and your child to.

First — this isn’t a verdict on your child

Being offered mentoring is not a SEN label. It doesn’t go on a record that follows your child. It doesn’t mean a teacher has given up, or that your child has done something wrong, or that the school is “fobbing you off” with an outside provider.

Mentoring is offered when a teacher, head of year, SENCo, or pastoral lead has spotted something they want to support early. Sometimes it’s a wobble in attendance. Sometimes it’s a friendship pattern. Sometimes it’s a pupil who used to engage and recently hasn’t. Sometimes it’s a known event at home that’s about to make school harder.

The earlier mentoring goes in, the lighter the work tends to be. That’s why schools offer it before things become difficult, not after.

Being offered mentoring is usually the school catching something early — before things become difficult.

What in-school mentoring actually is

Mentoring is regular one-to-one time between your child and a trained adult who isn’t their teacher. The mentor’s job is to listen, to help your child find their feet in school, and to be a consistent, predictable point of contact in the school week.

It’s not therapy, and it’s not counselling. Those are different things with different rules and different training, and a good mentor will refer on if what your child needs is one of those instead.

Sessions happen in school, during the school day, for somewhere between thirty minutes and an hour. The exact pattern depends on what your child, the school, and the mentor agree — once a week is common.

The Empowered Minds team — six mentors and coaches in branded hoodies — The Empowered Minds team.

A short version of what mentoring isn’t

It’s not a punishment. Mentoring isn’t given as a consequence of behaviour.
It’s not therapy. A mentor won’t do clinical work or diagnose anything.
It’s not “fixing” your child. Your child doesn’t need fixing.
It’s not a secret kept from you. The mentor shares what they need to with the school and with you, within agreed boundaries.
It’s not on your child’s permanent record. There’s nothing for a future school, college, or employer to see.

What you’ll be asked to consent to

The school will usually ask you to sign a short consent form. It typically confirms four things:

That you understand what the mentoring involves.
That you’re happy for the mentor to work with your child.
That you understand the boundaries of confidentiality. Your child can talk freely about most things, but if they share something that suggests they’re at risk, the mentor will pass it on, like any other adult in school would.
That the mentoring relationship can be ended by you, your child, or the school at any time.

You’re not signing away anything more than this. Consent can be withdrawn whenever you want, for any reason.

How involved will you be?

You’ll usually be told when the mentoring starts and when it’s reviewed, and you’ll often be asked at the beginning whether there’s anything the mentor should know about your child’s life outside school.

After that, the day-to-day content of the sessions stays between your child and their mentor — not because it’s hidden, but because that’s what makes the relationship work. Children rarely open up to an adult they suspect is reporting upwards.

If something comes up that you need to know — about safety, about wellbeing, about a decision the mentor is concerned about — you’ll be told. You’re a partner in this, not a peripheral figure.

What if my child says no?

That’s a fair instinct, especially for an older child who’s wary of “a meeting about them.” A few useful things to know.

The first session is not a commitment. It’s a get-to-know-each-other conversation. If they don’t want to continue afterwards, they don’t have to. Most mentors expect a bit of resistance early on — it usually softens once the child realises the mentor isn’t another adult assessing them.

If your child refuses outright, the school should respect that. Mentoring only works with willing participation, and forcing it usually does more harm than good.

How will you know if it’s working?

Reasonable signs that mentoring is doing its job:

Your child mentions the mentor by name without complaint, or speaks neutrally about the sessions.
Small changes appear at home — slightly less Sunday-night anxiety, slightly easier mornings, less defensiveness about school.
The school reports observed shifts: more engagement in lessons, fewer incidents, better attendance, more willingness to ask for help.

You probably won’t see dramatic change at six weeks, and that’s fine. Mentoring works slowly and quietly. If by twelve weeks there’s no shift at all, that’s worth a conversation with the school about whether something different is needed.

If you’d like to ask us anything directly

We’re Empowered Minds — the in-school mentoring service that may have been mentioned to you by your child’s school. If you’d like to ask anything about how we work — what training our mentors have, what a session looks like, what happens at review meetings — you’re welcome to get in touch directly.

We won’t take it up with the school unless you want us to, and asking doesn’t commit you to anything.